I’m a 40-ish year old single black women navigating my way through secondary breast cancer.  That’s stage 4 breast cancer, there is no stage 5. I’m treatable but incurable ‘apparently’ but I know that through Faith – Hope – Love anything is possible!

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I’m self-employed. I run a home-based novelty cake business that I started after my primary diagnosis…when my focus shifted doing something that I love rather than financial gain. I was diagnosed with stage 3 er+  breast cancer in October 2010, 10 years ago. I was 32.  I didn’t have a lump, what initially took me to my GP was a discharge from my right breast. My secondary breast cancer was diagnosed 8 years later in August 2018. I noticed my mastectomy and reconstruction area had become a bit lumpy.  A couple of weeks later I was being told it was a reoccurrence that had spread to my lungs, bones and now liver. 

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My primary breast cancer treatment plan started with a mastectomy followed by 6 rounds of FEC-T chemotherapy, 15 rounds of radiotherapy, ending a year later with my LD flap breast reconstruction and 7 years on tamoxifen (hormone targeted therapy). For my secondary breast cancer, my first line treatment was an oral chemotherapy drug called palbociclib, Letrozole (hormone targeted therapy), a monthly injected called zoladex that suppresses my ovaries and put me in medically induced menopause and a monthly bisphosphonate bone strengthener injection.

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Unfortunately I was one of the many cancer patients that had their treatment plan altered directly because of the covid-19 pandemic. By the time I managed to get a scan, 6 months had passed and the results weren’t good. The scan showed progression - new areas in the bones, lungs and now the liver.  My first line treatment had stopped working; I am now on another oral chemotherapy drug called xeloda and praying it is working.

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My primary diagnosis was a complete shock and definitely not what I expected in my early thirties, what should have been the prime of my life. Emotionally, it wasn’t easy and I internalised a lot of it. I was angry, upset and felt cheated. After treatment I hesitantly lived my life in fear..fear of the cancer coming back the moment I happily started to live my life. In 2018, what I thought would be my worst nightmare and fear became my reality, the cancer came back…and that broke me. Being told you have an incurable disease with a 3-5 year life expectancy with only about 16% living beyond that is hard to take in. For a long time I was stuck, I wasn’t living I was just existing, I became a victim of my circumstance. Eventually things changed, I met some amazing women that had been thriving with this incurable disease for 5, 10, 15 and 20+ years! Hearing them speak gave me hope and the strength to take ownership of my life and start living in the present.

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Despite the grim prognosis, I don’t let my diagnosis define me, I continue to live my best life and thrive with secondary breast cancer. I have good days and I have bad days. I have learnt that it is important to allow yourself to feel every emotion and that has given me strength to always get back up. Cancer made me change my priorities. I try to cut out any negative energy and toxicities from my everyday life and I focus on the things I love to do, and I spend time with the people I care about the most. I have a new appreciation for life! I have also met some amazing and inspirational women that I would not have crossed paths with if it wasn’t for my cancer journey. I have also had the opportunity to experience things that I never would have considered doing before…I take more chances.

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The hardest part of my cancer journey was and still is, accepting that my diagnosis is incurable and that I will be on medication for the rest of my life – how ever long that is. Cancer has taken a lot from me, the biggest and most heartbreaking being my fertility and the fact that I will never be able to have children…

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When it came to my beauty products during treatment it wasn't really  something I thought about, until it became a problem. My already sensitive skin became dry and irritated by products I’d always used. Everything I use is through trial and error. It is so important for me to look and feel LIKE ME.  I didn’t and don’t want to look like a cancer patient. I have no control over how I feel physically most of the time because of all the drugs I’m on but how I look or appear… I can control that. When I look good, I feel good or at least better!

Am I different now to how I was before? Yes. I don’t let things bother me as much…I just focus on what makes me happy. I am painfully aware that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed so I live in the now (not recklessly lol) and don’t take anyone or anything for granted. I have found a strength that I didn’t know I had and I use it. My advice to others would be to be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. It’s hard but you will get through it – this too shall pass. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Most important for me was finding my tribe – others that understand what I am going through and I align with. Find out more about me at www.beingjennifercronje.com. x