I was only 19 when I was diagnosed with Malignant Melanoma (skin cancer) in 2015. It all started with a small wart-like growth on the top of my left thigh; it would sometimes bleed and scab, and just generally looked odd. I went to my GP to get it removed, not really caring what it was, as long as it would be taken off! They were quite assured that it wasn't cancer, although largely this was because I was 'too young' for it to be cancer. They removed it a week later at my GP surgery, and 3 weeks later I got the call to tell me it was actually Melanoma. 

The first priority, after my initial diagnosis, was to have a wide local excision and sentinal node biopsy. This would determine whether my cancer had spread into surrounding tissue or the lymph nodes in my groin. Devastatingly, it had spread to the lymph nodes - meaning i now had stage 3 Melanoma- and so the next priority was to have a full node clearance to check if it had spread into any more. Fortunately it hadn't, and from that point on I was in remission. 

My diagnosis revealed to me a spectrum of emotions that I didn't even know existed. I have never felt so much devastation, anger, disbelief, grief, or anxiety in such a short period of time and all at once. Being a teenager, shock was probably the overarching emotion, both for myself and everyone around me. It is only in hindsight (i’m now 24) that I realise I had been suffering from depression, from the point of my diagnosis until a good while after I was in remission. At the time I didn't really contemplate it; every day you're just trying to get through to the next day as someone that resembles a complete person, and not just something broken. I also had anxiety- something I hadn't truly experienced before cancer, and have only occasionally experienced since being in remission. I would have panic attacks, usually at times when I was doing something mundane or 'normal' for a 19 year old, like being in a bar. I would be enjoying myself, as if I didn't have a care in the world and had escaped my own mind for a moment. Then it would suddenly hit me and all my emotions and worries would come rushing back; reality would set in again, and I would begin to panic and lose myself. Times like that were really tough, because it felt like I could never really escape all the crap that cancer was forcing upon me. 

Cancer has revealed one significant truth to me, that I now live by every day: there are always silver linings to be found. I suppose that's because I managed to find some from having cancer and - if that's possible - then you can find the silver linings in ANYTHING. For me, it's the friends I have made along the way. My 'cancer chums'- my life is infinitely better for having them in it. Cancer has also taught me things about myself which I'm really quite grateful for. It's shown me that I am resilient, something I hold onto through hard times. It's given me an outlook on life and the world that I really love; an appreciation of small things and a level of empathy that's far greater than I was capable of having before cancer. 

I think the hardest part of my cancer journey has been the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Positivity and healthy living go a long way, but ultimately you become slave to this thing that is going to do exactly what it wants to do, and invade your body beyond the realms of your own control. You can't do anything about it! You just have to trust in the wonderful people who work to take care of you and make it go away. It's also really hard to remain this beacon of strength for those around you, and for yourself- as if showing pessimism or despair means that you've let cancer win. It's also tough realising that, some days, pessimism and despair are all you can muster. 

During my cancer storm and afterwards, It was important to me that I still looked like myself, but more so that I still felt like myself. I wanted to remain the confident, optimistic and outgoing person that I knew I was before my diagnosis. Certain physical aspects of my cancer did threaten that; my final surgery left me with a condition called lymphadema. I've always hated my big legs, and lymphadema was going to make one of them even bigger; I was so scared about losing the little body confidence I already had. I hated that I would have to wear a lymphadema stocking everyday, because it was a physical sign to others that something was different about me. I didn't lose my hair or have many other physical changes as a result of my cancer so, to any stranger, they would never have known or guessed that I was ill. Of course, I have scars too; but I've grown to love them. In fact, I now have more confidence and self esteem than I ever had before cancer!

I loved calendula cream for my scars and my skin in general- it felt so soothing and nourishing. Talc powder became a bit of an essential for putting on my lymphadema stocking, because it made it so much easier to get on (although luckily I've got the hang of it now and don't rely on the powder so much!)

I didn't have much desire or time to read books when I was going through cancer, which was partly down to tiredness but mostly because I was in my final year of A levels. I'd missed so much school that my priority, when it came to reading anything, was catching up on school work! I did keep a journal though- I bought one called 'The Happiness Planner'. I found it really helpful for tracking my moods and gratitudes, and venting the things I didn't want to tell others. Looking back on it now, I feel really sad for the girl who was going through all those things. I'm really lucky that I no longer associate myself with the things that I wrote; it feels like I'm reading them about someone else.

I still find it crazy some days that I've finished uni- the thing that cancer threatened the most for me. My cancer journey, from start to finish was only 6 months long (well, from diagnosis to remission, that is. I think cancer is a life-long journey, because we deal with the negative and positive aftermath every day!) So my main priorities at the time were going for interviews at the universities I'd applied to and studying for my exams. I'd missed so much school, it's kind of baffling to me that I managed not to botch my exams! 4 years on, and I've graduated (without a graduation!) and I'm looking for a job. I'm just itching to get out into the world and do something! I also want to be more financially independent, because I want to buy a house with my boyfriend- the next big achievement on my list. Job-hunting right now is kind of soul destroying, because I know what I'm good at and what I am capable of, and it's tough having to put yourself out there constantly. But, if cancer has taught me anything, it's that everything will turn out exactly how it's supposed to. I truly believe in some messed up way, that I was supposed to go through everything I went through; to lead me to exactly where I am today. Find me on instagram @mikhailacorbetthassit